I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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