i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Duck Duck Cougar?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I see more hoeing in ur future
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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