I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Drunk is not a location!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
