you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
