She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
