Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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