Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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