I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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