I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
