I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
