I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
