I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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