Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We had sex on a dog bed..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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