girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
