I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
