is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
