I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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