Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
