He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sext me about skeletons
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
