She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Come see our sink grown plant.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
