Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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