He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
