I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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