John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
