Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
