He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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