do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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