He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She is in my trunk
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
