What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
