how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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