The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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