So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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