Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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