I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
