She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
