i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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