Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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