so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
