Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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