Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
