so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
