420 ftw
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
