Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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