Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
