You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
