I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
