meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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