My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
