If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
