when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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