we're chasing vodka with high fives
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
