hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
