btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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