Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
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So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
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Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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