i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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