It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
