Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
