I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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