She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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