Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
