I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
