we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
