well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
