its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
