well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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