I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
