Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
