Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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