tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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