Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
