Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
