Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
