Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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