Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
