Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
