new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
