Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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