or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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