that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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