drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
